


Compartmentalization

by The_Crafty_Cracker



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Even more flashback, Flashbacks, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hydra (Marvel), Identity Issues, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Quote: I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier, italics abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-12 06:35:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10484475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Crafty_Cracker/pseuds/The_Crafty_Cracker
Summary: Nobody loves a weapon.Nobody had loved Steven Grant Rogers.Nobody except James Buchanan Barnes, nobody but Bucky.But Bucky is big, beautiful, charming, perfect while he’s small, skinny and flawed. Bucky shouldn’t love him.That also felt familiar.





	1. Throw me a line and bring me back home

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO, EVERYONE.  
> This isn't actually what I had planned for my next fic. Mainly because I have three fics on the go atm, THREE. This one is also nearly written well the second chapter is anyway :)  
> This was based of a Tumblr prompt, well kinda they just said WS Steve and left and I was like BINGO. AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. And you should all know my love for Winter Soldier Steve. 
> 
> If you want to know the song which I listen to while writing this, it was called Lifelines by I Prevail, or just look up the lyrics it'll pretty much sum up the fic.   
> It will have a happy (ish) end, XD Enjoy!!!

The museum was quiet and empty which was a contrast from a few hours ago when it had been full of laughter, life, and people. It had been too busy, too dangerous and _too much_.

He doesn’t know why he keeps coming back, it was stupid, foolish and reckless of him. The only reason he came to this place the first time was because he assumed that it would have information about who he is,  _was_.

_“Your name is Steven Grant Rogers,”_

_“Shut up!”_

He thought that since Captain America, _target level 8_ , seemed to believe that he was his friend or something, then he would at least be mentioned in the Captain’s exhibit.  _Right?_

There was nothing, though, not even a mention of _Steven Grant Rogers_.

_“Stevie. You’ve known me your whole life.”_

If, _if,_ Captain America was to believe then why wasn’t there anything. The man had seemed determined to make him remember him but the Asset couldn’t. It might be a trap. Captain America might have lied to him, made up _Steven Grant Rogers_ to trick him.

But.

_But._

_“You’re my friend.”_

_“You’re my mission.”_

Then why, why does his head hurt every time he thinks about it? Why does _Steven Grant Rogers_ hurt so much?  Why hasn’t his brain shut up? Why does he see flashes of two boys, on blond the other brunet, laughing, smiling and roughhousing?.

Why does it hurt so much?

Why does he keep coming back…

_“Steve? Stevie, it’s me Bucky!”_

_“Who the hell is Bucky?”_

He doesn’t know.

He should have ran, he knew that HYDRA and SHIELD, or what’s left of them, were after him, the Government as well. The Winter Soldier, the Asset, had caused everyone a lot of trouble. He could go anywhere in the world, anywhere, hide and make it so no one ever found him again. However he didn’t, he stayed in plain sight, in Brooklyn, why he wasn’t sure.

_“I’m just a kid from Brooklyn.”_

Captain America, _Bucky,_ was also looking for him, with his friend, the one who he’d kicked off the Helicarrier but couldn’t care to remember his name.

He should have gone back to HYDRA, let them deal with it, punish him for failing his mission, put him in _the chair_ and take the pain away.

_“Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century. And I need you to do it one more time…”_

But what if they made him go after Captain America, _Bucky_ again and hurt him…

That was unacceptable.

He didn’t know why that was either.

_“I’m not going to fight you.”_

Part of him wanted _Bucky_ to find him, tell him about _Steven Grant Rogers_ , tell him who he was and how they know each other. Explain the flashes in his head, make it make sense.

But there was still was the doubt, why wasn’t he mentioned.

Maybe _Bucky_ had an answer to that as well.

There was all the information on _James Buchanan Barnes_ , Captain America. There was information on the Howling Commandos, Peggy Carter, and Howard Stark but still nothing on _Steven Grant Rogers_.  

He remembered the name Howard Stark, he shouldn’t, but he does. He remembers the hit that HYDRA had put on Howard and his wife and how the Asset had done it _flawlessly._ Even when Howard had looked at him in horror and garbled out, _“Steve?!”_  before his death.

They had a kid, Anton, Anthony or whatever his name is, a hero, a tin man that flies around, in a group called the Avengers, _Bucky_ is in this group. _Bucky_ leads this group. He was always a good leader.

He doesn’t know how he knows that either, but he does.  

Another part wanted _Bucky_ to stop looking. That he isn’t good enough, he’s bad, tainted and wrong while _Bucky_  is brave, strong, pure and so so good. The Captain would be better off without him, doesn’t need him in his life. He could live on with his friends, the Avengers and his memory of _Steven Grant Rogers_ without the Asset messing everything up with all the _blood on his hands_ and the pain he brings. He only has glimpses of memories of a person he’s not even sure he is.

_“People are gonna die, Stevie. I can’t let that happen.”_

_Bucky_ is better off without him.  

That felt familiar.

Plus even if he is _Steven Grant Rogers_ , _Bucky_ wouldn’t want him anyway, he’s not the same, can’t even remember his own name never mind that they were friends.

_Lovers_ his brain unhelpfully added, because that’s definitely not true, why would Captain America, a national icon, a hero, _love him_ the Winter Soldier, HYDRA’s Asset, their weapon.

Nobody loves a weapon.

Nobody had loved _Steven Grant Rogers._

Nobody except _James Buchanan Barnes_ , nobody but _Bucky._

But _Bucky_ is big, beautiful, charming, perfect while he’s small, skinny and flawed. _Bucky_ shouldn’t love him.  

That also felt familiar.    

_“Stevie, oh my god I thought you were dead.”_

_“I thought you were smaller.”_

That hurt his head harder than staring at the picture of the Captain on the wall. Not that his head hadn’t stopped hurting since the fight on the helicarrier when he was beating and shooting _Bucky_ , who barely fought back, saved the Assets life and then dropped his shield.  

_“Then finish it. ‘Cause I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”_

The Asset then watched as _Bucky_ fell, before going after him.

Which was wrong.

He didn’t know why but it was supposed to be him, to be the one who fell, it was also colder, quicker and nobody followed. 

* * *

Today was slightly different from his normal nightly trips to the museum.

Normally at this point, the old security guard would have arrived and started asking him questions or chatting with him. It was hard for him to reply to questions that he didn’t know the answers to himself. The elderly man was at least respectful and never pushed for an answer or made him leave, not that he could. After his first visits, the man just asked him how he was and trivial things like how his granddaughter has just got into college and how his wife ate all the biscuits, again.

Today, instead there was a sandwich and a bottle of water.  

He can’t remember the last time he ate. Remembering things is hard. Obviously. But didn’t think he was hungry until he saw the sandwich.

That was a problem with his new found freedom, not only did it hurt but he had no idea what he was doing. Sure he knew how to escape, not be seen, _kill someone in their sleep, five different ways with a teaspoon_ but other things, normal things, he hadn’t a clue.

If the sandwich was poisoned he was not going to be happy. It didn’t look poisoned but he knew that you couldn’t always tell.  

It was tuna sandwich.

He ate it.

It wasn’t poisoned.

He liked it.

He didn’t even know he liked tuna, himself.

It’s probably a trap.

_"Hey, Stevie look what I’ve got!”_

_“Bucky! I’ve told you to stop stealing from work if they catch you-”_

_“They won’t pal. Plus, it’s not stealing exactly.”_

_“Then what is it?”_

_“I’m acquiring it without paying.”_

_“So stealing.”_

_“Look you punk, you’re hungry and I can get food, I think of more of helping people in need.”_

_“Bucky, you jerk, you are not Robin Hood.”_

_“Nah, that guy is nowhere near as handsome as me.”_

_“Nor does he have an ego as big as yours.”_

_“That’s not the only things that is big and you know it, Rogers.”_

_“Huh, I’d say medium at a push.”_

_“Well! If you’re going to be like that I could always take this tuna back.”_

_“Tuna?!”_

He blinked another memory. That was a good on at least, some of the ones he’s had before weren’t like that. _Bucky_ was in that one and as well as _Steven Grant Rogers, Steve, Stevie_. It was nice.

_Steven Grant Rogers,_ he was _Steven Grant Rogers!_

The revelation wasn’t as grand as he thought it was going to be and his head still hurt like hell.

He looked at the water and hoped that the water it didn’t give him another memory as well, those things took him out of it, left him open and vulnerable, and he was already tired.

He preferred milk anyway.  

_“Want some milk?”_

_“…”_

Fuck sake.

He never did get any milk. 

* * *

“Steve…”

_The sandwich was a goddamn trap._

“Steve, it’s me _Bucky_.”


	2. This life can cut like a knife, it leaves lines that divide a before and an after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did you even know I was here?”
> 
> “The security guard tipped me off, saying you’d been coming here since the fall of HYDRA.”
> 
> The old man had betrayed him.
> 
> Damn it. He deserved for his wife to eat his biscuits! His chocolates too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~^_^~ Okay chapter two is a hell of a lot longer than chapter one XD Don't ask me why I got a little carried away. Whoop for more WS Steve. It is if any of you were wondering pre-serum Steve, pre-serum Steve with a metal arm, who is badass and doesn't have any of his previous illnesses. Oh god, I'm melting into a puddle of goo help me.

“Steve…”

_The sandwich was a goddamn trap._

He didn’t move, froze to the spot, facing away from the voice, though he knew who it was,  _Bucky_  who hadn’t stopped trying to reach him, even in his mind. But he wasn’t sure what to do, what to say, he hadn’t planned for this.

Maybe later, maybe he’d let  _Bucky_ find him after he worked some things out more, but not now, he wasn’t even sure of anything, it was too early for this.

“Stevie…”  _Bucky_ was walking behind him, could hear his footsteps against the floor. “Steve it’s me _Bucky_.”

He bit back the remark of,  _of course, I know who it fucking is_  because he still wasn’t used to freedom of speech or snark. It was one of Pierce's rules that he was keen on making sure was enforced, especially after the few, rare occasions that the Asset talked back to him.

_“Sir, he’s… he’s unstable. Erratic.”_

_“Mission report.”_

_“...”_

_“Mission report, now.”_

_“The man on the bridge…_ _Who was he? ”_

_“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.”_

_“I knew him.”_

_“Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped this century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we’re gonna give it a push. But if you don’t do your part, I can’t do mine, and HYDRA can’t give the world the freedom it deserves.”_

_“But I knew him…”_

_“Prep him.”_

_“He’s been out of cryofreeze too long”_

_“Then wipe him and start over.”_

He hoped Pierce died a slow and painful death, and if not he could arrange it. He didn’t really want to kill anyone, not anymore. However, Peirce was one of the few exceptions, one of the people who made him want to do the thing he’d been forced to do, the only thing he really knows. There was another person on the list too, he was short, pudgy man with glasses, whom even the thought of, made him shiver. He didn’t remember his name but would know him if he saw him.

“Steve? You with me?”  _Bucky_ said gently from next to him and he had to bite his tongue trying not to jump in shock,  _d_ _amn it_ , these memories were getting worse and kept leaving him vulnerable and this really wasn’t the time.

 _Bucky_ hadn’t tried to touch him, which he was grateful for, even if the guy did look he wanted too, he wasn't sure how he’d react if did, he really didn’t want to hurt   _Bucky,_  not  _again._

“Yeah…” He muttered out blinking turning his head to finally look at  _Bucky_ , he looked well, not like the last time he’d seen him when the Asset had left him on the bank. “I’m him, aren't’ I? I’m  _Steven Grant Rogers_ ”

 _Bucky_   took a sharp intake of breath and swallow, eyes watering slightly “Yeah,  _yeah_. You’re him, you’re  _Steve, Steve Rogers, Steven Grant Rogers_ _,_   _my Stevie_ _._ ”

He nodded, believing him, along with memories, but still… “I’m not here.”

 _Bucky_ blinks at him, “What do you mean?”

He uses his head, indicating to  _Bucky’s_ face on the wall and the text underneath it.  _“I’m not here_.”

 _Bucky_   looked at the wall and sigh sadly, “That’s a little harder to explain.” and pulled something out of his pocket it was a tag, holding it up so Steve could see, it had his name on it “These are yours, these are your tags, you gave me them, just after you got them, said I was better at keeping things safe then you.”

“I was in the army?”

“Not really, not officially.”  _Bucky_  began, Steve kept quiet knowing that  _Bucky_ would continue when he was ready to, it was probably a tough subject for him. “It’s complicated, want me to tell you?”

He nodded and  _Bucky_ looked down at him questionably.

“You sure?” He asked softly, “I don’t want it to be too much.”

Neither did he, however, he doubted he would be fully able to believe everything until he heard the reason why. It would probably cause him to have a flashback or something and cause his head to hurt more but he’d already given up.

_It was one of those nights._

“Tell me.”

 _Bucky_   sighed again, “Okay Stevie, if that’s what you want.” It made Steve feel a little strange because he can’t remember the last time someone had done what he wanted. HYDRA definitely didn’t.  “You know that I’m Captain America, right?”

He nodded again, “Captain America,  _James Buchanan Barnes, Target Level 8._ ” Then paused clenching his fist because that was what HYDRA had told him, not what he knew, the brunet had tensed next to him.

“ _Bucky,_ you’re  _Bucky._ ”   He said determinedly.

 _Bucky_ relaxed as a ghost of a smile forming on his lips. “Yeah, that’s me, a nickname from back then. Nobody calls me that now. Everyone calls me James or Captain.”

Steve’s lip twitched, “Always hated anyone calling you that,  _James_.” He muttered, glancing away, he’s not sure why he said that but it feels right.

“Yeah, well not much choice when you’re a national hero pal, everyone calls you want they want.”  _Bucky_   huffed annoyed, “They don’t care what  _you_  want.”

“Try being with HYDRA for seventy years they make people calling you  _James_  look like child's play.” He meant it as a joke, it hadn’t turned out as well as he thought when  _Bucky_ flinched and went silent. “Sorry…”

“No, no, Steve, it’s fine. You're right! It’s nothing, absolutely nothing compared to what you went through, sorry, I was being selfish.”  _Bucky_  spluttered, Steve didn’t try and explain himself, he’d probably only make it worse, so he just nodded and looked back up at  _Bucky._

“Continue with the story?”

“Of course.”  _Bucky_  glanced down at him, they were both facing the painted face of Captain America on the wall, “So back in the 1940’s, it was me and you,  _Bucky_ and _Steve_. Just us two. Always together no matter what, always had each other's backs. Then war, came over here, I went and enlisted, but you weren’t able to, they kept turning you down, giving you a 4F, tore you apart to not being able to go but you kept trying you little punk.”

_“Punk.”_

_“Jerk.”_

“You went off to war,” Steve stated, he knew it was true, he’d read it hundred of times on the wall in front of him. But there was also was also a memory which he managed to ignore, he’d remember it later anyway.

 _Bucky_ nodded, “Yes, but not for long, I got scouted by a man, his name was Doctor Erskine, good man, a great man, he wanted someone for his new project, project rebirth, they were trying to create an army of super-soldiers to win the war.”

He blinked, “Against HYDRA?”

“Nazi’s.”  _Bucky_  corrected, “But yes, HYDRA was part of it too. But at the time I didn’t even know they exist, I was chosen to be the test subject and that scared the hell out of me.” _Bucky_  smiled sadly

“You, of course, decided that you would come and see me off, even though my letters had told you to  _stay the fuck away._  Probably knew I was scared to death, so you wandered down. We didn’t get to talk, I was quickly ushered in and I only got a glimpse of your stupid face, but you shouted at the top of your lungs anyway, shouted that you believed in me and that I could do it, something along them lines,  _that_   gave me the courage to face it, that and that alone.”  

“I-I think I remember that,” Steve muttered looking away. “I planned to punch you in the face when I saw you next, for agreeing in the first place.”

 _Bucky_ laughed and it was like music to his ears, something he hadn’t heard in over a lifetime, sometimes he now craved to hear again.

“Pot calling the kettle black there Stevie, you would have done the exact same thing if you were in my shoes, I know you would have.” His smile brightened, “But I’m glad you remembered.”

_“There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.”_

_“Right. Cause you got nothing to prove.”_

He frowned, “We argued.”

 _Bucky_ raised an eyebrow, “We always argued Steve, you’ve got to be more specific, pal.”

His frown deepened as he tried to remember more, “There was a night, a flying car? Ho-” He stopped himself, he didn’t want to remember Howard, because that would mean remembering his face as the Asset, as h _e_ , beat him and his wife to death and how they pleaded for their lives but wasn’t given any mercy. “A flying car.”

 _Bucky_ blinked, “The night of the World Exposition fair? Yeah, we argued about you trying to enlist again. You can’t lie on your enlistment form because if you get caught you get arrested, but you didn’t care about that, four times you’d tried by that point,  _five_ by the end of the night.”

_“Where are we going?”_

_“The Future.”_

He couldn’t help but wonder if there is any flying cars. Between missions and Cryo, he hadn’t got the chance to check up on the latest technology if it wasn’t needed for a mission. And in the few weeks, he’d been free he hadn’t remembered until now.

“That was actually when I met Doctor Erskine, he was hovering outside, saw us argue and  cornered me and started asking me all these questions and I must have answered correctly because the next thing I know he’s asking for my name and unit.”  _Bucky_ continued with another sad smile “He died just after I came out of the experiment and shot by a spy.”

“Oh,” Steve replied, unsure how to deal with news, noting  _Bucky_ ’ _s_ sadness over the man. “So you became a soldier on the front line and I was still back at home?”

_“There are so many important jobs.”_

_“What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?”_

_“Yes. Why not?”_

_“I'm not gonna sit in a factory. Bucky, come on. There are men laying down their lives.”_

_Bucky_ shook his head, “I wish Stevie, I wish. You see since Doctor Erskine was the only one who knew the formula for the serum, and with him dead, so was the secret to the serum. Meaning I was one of a kind, an experiment, a lab rat.” _Bucky_  said bitterly.

Steve could relate, though he had a feeling that his stint as the Winter Soldier wasn't the only time he’d been a lab rat as  _Bucky_  put it, but didn’t bother to mention it because it would make  _Bucky_ sad again.

"So instead they told me if I wanted to be useful that I could help and sell bonds, putting on shows for the public, dancing, singing, giving speeches and all that crap.”

Steve’s mouth twitched upwards, “The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan.”

“You can't remember your own name but you can remember  _that._ ”  _Bucky_  grumbled with a pout before it turned mournful again “It wasn’t things weren’t going so well for you either.”

He looked up curiously, “As in? I didn’t have to sing and dance did I?” Because he might not remember much, but he had a feeling deep, deep down, that he couldn’t dance for shit, and that his singing voice resembled something of an alleycat having its tail stood on.

“No, no something much worse.”

“Tell me.”

 _Bucky_ let out a noise which also could have been a whimper, but Steve didn’t acknowledge it, having the feeling that  _Bucky_ wouldn’t like it if he did. “The German spy, who shot Doctor Erskine apparently wasn’t alone. They’d seen you and decided to take you, they   _took_  you and I didn’t even know.”

He furrowed his brows, not quite sure if he remembered it.

_“Steven Grant Rogers 3212557038”_

_“Steve?!”_

“What happened then?”

“A man named Arnim Zola he was a German scientist, worked with Nazi’s,  _with HYDRA,_  and he experimented with you as revenge for Red Skull. He was someone who had the serum like mine, but it hadn’t worked out, it had given him a red skull like the name implies.”

_“You don't have one of those, do you?”_

“You saved me?” He asked because he was sure that  _Bucky_ had,  _Bucky_ always saved him.

“Not in time…”  _Bucky_  muttered grievously. “He’d had you for weeks, months and I didn’t even know you were there until someone from my old squad told me that there were more people down there. I nearly left when they added that they probably weren’t alive. I was horrified when I saw you lying there on that table, I never did forgive myself.”

Steve scoffed, not liking that _Bucky_  blaming himself for something he couldn’t control “But you saved me. Saved me  _again_ , from HYDRA now as well.” Sure, he might not remember it, but he knows for sure that it wasn’t _Bucky’s_  fault.

 _Bucky_ shook his head, “I didn’t save you. Not every time, not when you needed me the most. There was a mission, we were to get the man who experimented on you, Zola, but something went wrong. You ended up falling off the train. HYDRA found you again after that.”

_“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone on Coney Island?”_

_“Yeah, and I threw up?”_

_“Well, Stevie…”_

_“It’s going to be worse isn’t it?”_

Steve nodded, “I  _think_  I remember that. You were hanging out the side of the train reaching out for me.”

 _Bucky_ let out a choked sob as if he could control his emotions, even though it was plain to Steve how devastated he still was over the incident.  “I  _should_ have reached further. Hell, I should have sent you back home when I found you.”

Steve shook his head slightly, “I wouldn’t have liked that.  _Wouldn’t_ have gone.” 

 _Bucky_ sniffled and gave a half smile. “Yeah, never did listen to me, you punk.”

“Jerk.”

It just slipped out accidently, he didn’t even mean to say it. But he didn’t regret it when  _Bucky_ ’s face brightened up instantaneously.

“I also don’t regret it. I remember thinking while falling, at least it was me and not  _Bucky_.”

“Steve…”   _Bucky_ said in an emotion that Steve couldn’t place. He shrugged, what happened, happened right. “After you fell, I was so upset, alone, you were my world Stevie, everything I lived for. I wanted a funeral and for everyone to remember you, and all your achievements. But the Army wouldn’t have it. You were even supposed to be still in Brooklyn, you never officially joined, not really. They didn’t want people to know how you were just snatched out of the street, tortured by the enemy, it would have scared people, bad for morale. So they made up some bullshit story about you dying of the flu and that was the end of Steve Rogers. Even when Captain America was declassified you were still a secret never to be told.”

“Oh.” That explains that the lack of information about him then.

 _Bucky_ shook his head furiously. “I couldn’t take it. But they kept me going my saying that it’s what you have wanted, but when I was on the plane, going hurtling the ocean I thought that then I’d join you, wherever you’d ended up, I’d follow you there.  

“Well, that was just plain stupid," Steve muttered unimpressed and rolled his eyes and _Bucky_ chuckled quietly.

 _“How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.”_  

After that there was silence, a nice silence, though, both seemed content and happy to just stand in silence with each other. However, Steve still had one more question…

“How did you even know I was here?”

“The security guard tipped me off, saying you’d been coming here since the fall of HYDRA.”

The old man had betrayed him.

 _Damn it_. He deserved for his wife to eat his biscuits! His chocolates too!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL one more chapter to go, the last chapter to end it all XD Well I'm have two ways I might go with this, the happy ending, yay! Or the, Oh god Civil War ending... TELL ME WHICH ONE. 
> 
> Anyway all comments and kudos are loved. You're all awesome!!! :D

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? I know there is some things that have been left unanswered but they should be answered in the next chapter. But thanks for reading!!! :D Comments and Kudos are all loved!


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